Will the Browns taste victory this season?
It’s been a magical year in Cleveland. The Cavs took home an NBA championship, ending a 52-year title drought in Cleveland. The Indians were one clutch swing by the last guy off the bench away from winning the World Series against what was essentially the National League All-Star Team. And now, the Browns are 6 games away from a perfect season. That’s right, a perfect 0-16. In a league that claims to be the king of parody, the Browns are the jesters, flailing around trying to entertain drunken audiences across Northeast Ohio.
Now, I actually think this team is much better than our record reflects. The Browns were the second youngest team in the league coming into Week 1, so naturally there was going to be some choppy waters along the lakeshore. We’ve had some of our top players spend more time in hospitals than Turk and J.D. ever did in 9 seasons of Scrubs. QB1 and QB2 have watched half the season in matching slings. The young guys have played well and battled through injuries, but there’s only so much you can do when your secondary couldn’t cover a pan of actual Brownies if their careers depended on it. Still, another solid draft coupled with a healthier team, and 2017 could easily bring with it a 7-W Browns team.
That being said, with 6 games to go, can the 2016 Browns join the 2008 Lions as the only 0-16 teams in NFL history?
As the great Coach Gary Gaines once said: “Can you be perfect?”
Let’s take a look:
Week 11 – PIT
HAHAHAHAHA -Loss
Week 12 – NYG
The Giants are 2-2 on the road this year, so it’s not completely out of the realm of possibility the Browns pull the upset. Joe Haden will have to tape himself to OBJ if there is any hope of this game being close. The bad news is that this game doesn’t line up nicely with Joe’s essentially play-two-sit-two schedule this year so who knows if he even suits up. Realistically the boys in blue make the boys in brown black and blue. -Loss
Week 13 – BYE
Is it possible to lose a bye week?
Week 14 – CIN
Now generally the Browns and Bengals split the season series. Haden (who should be back on track for his play-two-sit-two) also generally puts on his big boy pants when he stands across from A.J. Green going all the way back to their days in the SEC. According to Pro Football Focus, in 5 career NFL match-ups, Haden had positive rankings in 4 out of 5 games, with A.J. getting only 2 positive grades. In those 5 games A.J. only has 13 catches for a measly 242 yards and just 1 TD. And with the Bengals offensive line giving up more sacks than a brown bag picnic and an improving Browns front 7, this is where the perfect season ends. -Win
Week 15 – @BUF
With Bills Mafia likely fighting for a playoff berth, a motivated Buffalo team slams Cody Kessler through a folding table…and I’m not convinced it won’t be a literal one. If anyone would bring furniture onto the field to prove a defensive point, it’s Rex Ryan. -Loss
Week 16 – SD
Hear me out on this one. Christmas Eve and San Diego has to travel into Cleveland Browns Stadium in what will probably be bone-chilling temperatures. With the Chargers likely out of playoff contention by then, they just may hit cruise control on the field and end up with coal in their lightning bolt stockings courtesy of the Browns. Let Rivers of tears flow in San Diego this holiday season. -Win
Week 17 – @PIT
HAHAHAHAHA -Loss
FINAL RECORD – 2-14
Let the Draft countdown begin.
-Daniel
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